How on earth do I write this post? Carefully I suppose.
Two weeks ago, I went into the hospital to have some biopsies and a hysterectomy done. Or that’s what I thought would happen. I woke up to learn I had a stage 3 cancerous tumors that were too large to be removed. Shock is a mild description of how I felt hearing that news.
My doctor decided that after I healed from the surgery he’d start me on chemo with a goal of shrinking the tumors first and then removing them. So next week my oncologist will let me know the kind of chemo treatment I will be facing. There’s a lot more to this story but I’m not brave enough to write everything down yet.
As I heal from the initial surgery I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. Lots of crying, feeling numb, disbelief, more crying, feeling scared, and a million other emotions.
I think I’m getting to a more positive place. One where I can take on this fight. But, my body is pretty much in pain all the time and that makes it challenging. The doctor was honest. If I do nothing I’ve got about 6 months. Chemo can hopefully shrink the tumors and give me some added years so that’s the option Ive chosen.
I’ve received a great deal of love and support from family and friends and that is very appreciated. But at the end of the day my mind wanders… you see everyone tells me how strong I am. But, I’m not. I’ve been a fighter for truth and justice, yes. For my children, yes. But never for myself.
Spiritually I’ve always prayed for others, but not for myself. It’s not something I’m comfortable doing. I’m not used to asking for help, I’m used to offering it to others. I don’t know how to play this new role. I suppose I’ll find out soon enough.
So, here’s to the future… I’m hoping the Universe gets some good vibrations to send my way.